LMAO Jokes - 1

Two pupils were fighting outside the examination hall. The teacher came out and said:

T : Why r u fighting?

S : Teacher, he left his answer sheet blank

T : Why should that bother you?

S : I too left my answer sheet blank

T : S?

S : The teacher will think that we have copied from each other.

A : Why have you kept the newspaper in the fridge? 

B : Because it is full of HOT NEWS. 

Professor : What three words are the most used by college students?
Student : I don't know.
Professor : Absolutely correct.

Lady : The design of the sari is excellent. But the color is not good.
Salesman : Don't worry mam. The color will disappear after the first wash.

Mother : Reena, tell me why does a bear have it's body covered with hair?
Daughter : Actually Mom, there is no barber in the forest.

 

A man needing a heart transplant is told be his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants that sheep's heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him, 'How are you feeling?' the man replies, 'Not BAAAAAD!"

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news for you. Patient: well you might as well tell me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have twenty four hours to live, Patient: 24 HOURS! WHAT COULD BE WORSE? what's the very bad news? Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

A man walks into the doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his
nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. What's the matter with me?' he asks the doctor, The doctor replies 'You're not eating properly.