LMAO Jokes - 2

A guy walks into work and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss asks, 'What happened to your ears?' He says, 'Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the phone,' The boss asks, 'Well that explains one ear, what about to your other ear?' He says, "Well, jeez, i had to call the doctor!' 

Software Engineer Husband 

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in. 

Wife - would you like to have some snacks? 

Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae! forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer. 

Golden Rule:-
‘To be happy with a man,
love him little and understand him a lot.
To be happy with a woman,
love her a LOT and DO NOT TRY to understand her